An Open Letter to School Districts: Embracing Equity for Both Parents in Education

Dear School Administrators, Teachers, and Staff,

You play a vital role in shaping the futures of the children entrusted to your care. As educators, you foster knowledge, growth, and resilience in young minds. But your influence extends beyond academics—you are often a bridge between home and school, a place where collaboration between parents and educators is essential for a child’s success.

However, in the context of separated or divorced families, this collaboration can become complicated. In these situations, it is critical to recognize that both parents—whether mothers or fathers—deserve the opportunity to be equal stakeholders in their child’s education. Yet too often, schools fall into the stereotype that mothers are the default or sole primary caregivers, sidelining fathers and, in some cases, unknowingly enabling harmful behaviors such as parental alienation.

I write to you today with a heartfelt plea: do not let your school become a tool for alienation.

The Role of Schools in Parental Alienation

Parental alienation is a form of emotional manipulation where one parent seeks to damage or sever the relationship between a child and the other parent. In cases of high-conflict custody disputes, schools are often weaponized in this process, sometimes unwittingly. Here’s how it can happen:

1. Stonewalling Communication:
   Alienating parents may withhold information about the child’s education, such as report cards, events, or teacher meetings, from the other parent.

2. Narrative Manipulation:
   Schools may be fed one-sided stories by the alienating parent, creating a biased perception of the targeted parent as uninvolved, disinterested, or even harmful.

3. Exclusion from School Activities:
   The alienating parent may deliberately exclude the targeted parent from parent-teacher conferences, school events, or activities, making them appear absent or uninterested in their child’s education.

4. Misinformation Campaigns:
   Alienating parents may share misleading or false information about the targeted parent with school staff, planting seeds of mistrust that lead to unequal treatment.

When schools inadvertently reinforce these behaviors, they unintentionally contribute to the emotional harm of the child and deepen the alienation of the targeted parent.

The Impact on Children

At the heart of this issue are the children, who suffer the most when alienation tactics succeed. Alienation disrupts a child’s sense of stability and security, undermining their emotional well-being. When schools align with one parent’s narrative—intentionally or not—they may unintentionally validate the alienating parent’s behavior, leaving the child caught in the middle.

Children need to know that both parents are valued, respected, and involved in their lives. A school’s acknowledgment of both parents sends a powerful message that their well-being matters more than any conflict.

How Schools Can Help

To create an equitable and supportive environment for children and both parents, schools can take the following steps:

1. Maintain Neutrality:
   Always remain neutral in parental disputes. Avoid forming opinions about either parent based on one-sided narratives.

2. Engage Both Parents:
   Ensure that both parents receive equal communication regarding the child’s education, regardless of custody arrangements. Send report cards, event invitations, and notices to both parents unless a court order specifies otherwise.

3. Verify Custody Agreements:
   Familiarize yourself with court-ordered custody arrangements to ensure compliance and prevent one parent from monopolizing access to educational information.

4. Empower Staff to Recognize Alienation Tactics:
   Train teachers, counselors, and administrators to recognize signs of parental alienation, such as one parent consistently blocking the other’s involvement or manipulating the narrative about the other parent.

5. Encourage Inclusive Policies:
   Promote policies that support the involvement of both parents in the child’s education. Encourage parents to attend meetings, participate in events, and engage in dialogue about their child’s progress.

6. Respect the Child’s Relationship with Both Parents:
   Avoid making assumptions about which parent is more involved or capable. Instead, focus on the child’s best interest, which often includes meaningful relationships with both parents.

A Plea for Fairness

Fathers are not “backup” parents. They are not less capable or less important than mothers in their children’s lives. In many cases, fathers are deeply committed to their children’s education and emotional growth, despite facing significant barriers such as stereotypes, custody restrictions, and, in some cases, active alienation by the other parent.

By embracing fairness and equity, schools can become a beacon of support for children and families navigating these challenges. You have the power to prevent alienation, to ensure that both parents are treated with respect, and to uphold the values of inclusivity and compassion that lie at the heart of education.

To the educators reading this: I ask you to be vigilant, to question narratives, and to treat both parents as equal stakeholders in their child’s success. Your actions can make all the difference—not just in the child’s academic journey, but in their sense of self, their relationships, and their future.

Thank you for your dedication to children and families. Together, we can create an educational system that values every parent’s role and prioritizes the well-being of every child.